Crazy Quilt

Here  I go again about sewing, well, really quilting.  I am about to enter the mission field on the international level as a single. I am leaving my job, my home, and  my car, all my material possessions as I pursue the dream of building a performance and visual arts school for girls. Ten years after getting a doctorate and teaching public school, none of which makes any sense to my advisers from Northwestern University, I am about to embark on a foray into international missions for the second time. But, God is about to make all this craziness into a beautiful crazy quilt of His will.

I want to make a few proclamations that God will do something miraculous in this season in my life and your life, despite the pain, disappointment, and confusion. I believe that His plan will be accomplished in our lives. He will fulfill his purposes for us, bringing good from the bad. We will not be overwhelmed by evil or crushed by life.  Only God can make sense of the chaos. I expect this season to be the most fruitful because of all the pruning and pain. Pain proves labor and produces growth. There is a season for everything, and God makes everything beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

Faith and trust are two different things. One can have faith in Jesus’ propitiation, but not trust in God’s character. When we are tested, severely and sorely, that is when the true nature of our trust is revealed.  I am in that hellacious storm at present. Like Peter, Jesus prays that my faith will remain. When things are hard and confusing, is God still good?  This is where the rubber hits the road. No one can answer that question but you.

Each one like Job will be tested and vetted by God if worth his or her salt: "Have you considered my servant?" I am not saying everything bad happens because of God. It does pass through His hands, and he uses it much like he did for Joseph to form character in us. Hey, here's a thought: what if Joseph's coat was really a crazy quilt? Just a thought.

. Just like the quilt, there is meaning and symmetry in our lives even when it looks like madness and randomness. God holds the needle and thread. We see the underside on this side of heaven; from heaven's vintage point, it's all good.

I could be like Jonah and just get on a boat to Tarshish, but then I would end up in the belly of a whale. That wouldn’t be good for this lacto-ovo vegetarian. God told me that if I got on that boat, it would be shattered by an east wind (Psalm48:7).

Feeling Just a Little Crazy,

M.J.

What's that Smell?

 

 

Have you ever gone to the store hungry and bought everything  in sight?  I have been really hungry spiritually; so hungry that I have been consuming scripture for hours. The pain of my present time causes me to need even a deeper sense of God's Presence and promise. God’s scent lingers on me when I get in His Presence. I like that and so do those around me.

I love scents; in fact, I make my own oil-based scents. I am sorta famous for my scents, lavender and lemon verbena; lavender and rose; cinnamon spice; new to my signatures scents is clementine-orange. However, I am most noted for lemon. Once while attending a friend’s grandmother’s funeral, someone blurted out the question, “do you smell lemon?” I shyly admitted “ that would be me.” Some people might find it frustrating to be smelt before being seen, but it is actually quite Biblical. Paul says that we are a fragrance: “Now thanks be to God who always lead us in triumph in Christ and through us diffuses the fragrance of is knowledge in every place. For  we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing” ( 2 Corinthians 2:14-15).

Smells can evoke memories- some of comfort or pain. Anger and depression don’t smell good on me.  In fact, “A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth” (Ecclesiastes 7:1).

God takes the issue of creating fragrance so strongly that he commands, “Whoever compounds any like it or whoever puts any of it on an outsider shall be cut off from his people’” (exodus 33:3). God does not place His scent on just anyone. He gives specific instructions to Moses,  “Take sweet spices, stacte, and onycha, and galbanum, sweet spices with pure frankincense (of each shall there be an equal part), and make an incense blended as by the perfumer, seasoned with salt, pure and holy. You shall beat some of it very small, and put part of it before the testimony in the tent of meeting where I shall meet with you. It shall be most holy for you. And the incense that you shall make according to its composition, you shall not make for yourselves. It shall be for you holy to the Lord." (Exodus 30:34-37). God loves to smell me before He sees me, so to speak. I hope I smell like Jesus, full of his sweet fragrance of myrrh, representing my death to self.

My praise and exhortation should be holy and affect everything and everyone with that purity: "And you shall make of these a sacred anointing oil blended as by the perfumer; it shall be a holy anointing oil. With it you shall anoint the tent of meeting and the ark of the testimony, and the table and all its utensils, and the lampstand and its utensils, and the altar of incense, and the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils and the basin and its stand. You shall consecrate them, that they may be most holy. Whatever touches them will become holy "  (Exodus 30:25-30). Does sweet and brackish water flow from the same fountain? Note to self: it shouldn't.

I pray that my praise will be pleasing and extravagant like Mary who "took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume" (John 12:3).

The oils described in scripture are pure, not synthetic. Unrefined, sometimes, they actually burn in their pure state. I have burnt myself withstrong oils like cinnamon and eucalyptus.  They have a medicinal quality. Lemon certainly is astringent- a good cleanser. What scent rafts from your spirit. Something citrus, salty, and sweet or something putrid like garbage?

Purely His,

M.J.

Sumo Wrestler

 

Do you ever feel put upon by the will of God? You know when He asks you to do something you really rather not – like not only forgive, but marry the person who treated you like the bottom of her foot? Sometimes, it feels like your entrails are being pulled out  . . . by horses …  wild horses.

I feel like a sumo wrestler – a pretend-one in the bulky costume. The fat body suit covers me, but does nothing to disguise that I am not the body portrayed on the outside.  It’s hard to move in that suit. Sadness and despair slow me down.  Daily pressures add more weight.

You see, I have had many challenges recently. They seem to come in double digits. I go in for an oil change, and come out with the check engine light on, the need for new brakes, a broken axle, something about realignment, after I get some brushes, and I forgot, I need the 60 month maintenance done- a whopping total of 2000 dollars, which I don’t have.

All of this comes after going in to see my doctor only to learn that I have two infections and need major surgery to remove fibroid tumors that have been causing my severe anemia. Oh, the surgery is supposed to lay me up for six weeks and might cause infertility- but God. When it rains, it certainly pours. What to do with these seasons in life where everything that could go wrong seems to go that direction?

I have decided that God has an answer for each of these problems, because I certainly don’t.  I choose not to get hysterical. I take one step at a time; I trust that something good will come out of this seeming mess. For example, when I was reminded that I had not done my state inspection, I remembered that I had not placed my state sticker on my car either. I asked God to help me remember where I had placed it. I went right to it. It seems like a small thing, but it helped center me. God’s got every detail. Which doctor to perform my surgery and when? What to fix and when on the car. I can trust him in the big and little details.

In my sumo-wrestler suit, I look silly and awkward. I should really take that thing off, and let God take the blows for me. Actually, He already did on Calvary: "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? " (Romans 8:32). I say like Paul, I am down, but not out:

 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)

Taking a Load off,

M.J.

P.S.
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The Angry Rock-n-Roll

Be angry, but sin not

Now there is a Word

That hits the spot-

(A sore spot)

About the time

I get hot

(And bothered)

I remember your admonition

To flee all idolatry and immorality

Gee wheez,

Golly Gee,

What’s gotten a hold of me?

Is the flesh or the devil, too?

Who knows who?

In the flesh,

In a rush,

But when push

Comes to shove

I need Your

Love more

Than I need

Anything much

Out the door

Over the hedge

Now, I am ready for bed

Oops, almost forgot

What you said

Don’t think about

Hitting the bed

If I got angry

Thoughts roiling

In my head

Up on my feet

Down to my knees

Forgive

Me Jesus

For being angry,

Please

I hop under the covers

And is it any wonder

That I am fast asleep

Boy¸ Peace

Sure is neat!

Good Night,

MJ

The Briar Patch

What does it mean to be thrown from the wolf’s lair into the briar patch of education? When I landed, so to speak, in public education, I landed with a thud. I had prepared to be a writer par excellence, not a high school French teacher. I accepted the position only after praying. The decision would be tested almost immediately as I was offered a teaching contract at a local college. I knew that God’s word said that we are to honor our vows, so I declined the college position for the contract I had signed with my district. Little did I realize, that the decision ten years ago, would be still affecting my present.

 Since my dissertation was on Br’er Rabbit, I knew that he did not desire to return where the wolf was present. As Br'er Rabbit  boldly proclaimed to his nemesis," the briar patch is where my momma and daddy raised me.” I guess I could say the same. My mother, at the age of fifty, became a public school teacher. She had always valued education highly and caused all of her children to consider it prize as well.  We often played school during her long absence at work. Watching her persevere through many hardships and struggles helped us realize what a true jewel knowledge is really.  Following her example, my brother, sister, and I have all taught in various academic and spiritual settings.

I have gleaned many lessons from the briar patch of education, all of them hard-earned, by the way:  how to discipline, how to be patient, but the greatest lesson is one of purification of motive. I have learned that perhaps what we thought we wanted is not what we want at all.  As I have taught and been taught by my students, I see that I desire altogether different things than I thought ten years. Certainly, I could have tenure by now in some university, but the impact that I would have for the kingdom would not be the same as it has been in this briar patch. I have been given the incredible gift of helping shape students' futures, calling out God’s gifts and hopes for them, and planting eternity in their hearts as they are in the process of becoming their own persons. For that, I am forever thankful.

Psalm 16 holds the central tenets of my life as I have walked through this journey:

5 LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
   you make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   surely I have a delightful inheritance.
⁷ I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
   even at night my heart instructs me.
⁸ I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
   With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
 ⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
   my body also will rest secure,
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
   you will fill me with joy in your presence,
   with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 Still in the Briar Patch,
M.J.

Paper or Plastic?

We’ve all heard the expressions to get "sacked."  You know it’s the football term that descriptively portrays the brutal force of someone hitting another on the field of play, or it can signify a job loss. But we can be 'sacked' emotionally as well. I have been doing quite a bit of sacking lately- emotionally packing up people and relationships that don’t quite suit anymore. Disappoint me- in the sack, you go to be discarded like last month’s left over lasagna. Plastic for that; it's wet and messy- not to mention,  less smelly that way.
 
Paper; now, it’s recyclable. Hard break for the first time. There is paper for that. After things have hardened a bit, it won’t run and make a mess. Paper holds hard and crusty things well, things like an embittered heart.   Paper will stain and leave an odor. But who cares?

Only God throws away best. He throws our sins into the sea of forgetfulness to remember them no more:   "He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea"  (Micah 7:19). He does not give us what we deserve.

Now,  I could be like my Daddy, the Great Garbage Collector, throw away my offenders' sins, my pettiness, etc… But what would be the fun in that?

When we keep things in bags, we are tempted to take them out and peek at them. We don’t deserve mercy, but we receive it.  Jesus tells the story of a miserly man who owed the king an exorbitant sum of money. The king forgave the debt and released the man.  When he was released from debtor's prison, he went out and right away found another servant of the king to put the 'squeeze' on. He was ready to 'sack' his fellow-worker:

Therefore the Kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king, who wanted to reconcile accounts with his servants.  When he had begun to reconcile, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But because he couldn’t pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, with his wife, his children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.  The servant therefore fell down and kneeled before him, saying, ‘Lord, have patience with me, and I will repay you all!’  The lord of that servant, being moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.  "But that servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, who owed him one hundred denarii, and he grabbed him, and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’  "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will repay you!’  He would not, but went and cast him into prison, until he should pay back that which was due.  So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were exceedingly sorry, and came and told to their lord all that was done.  Then his lord called him in, and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt, because you begged me.  Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, even as I had mercy on you?’   His lord was angry, and delivered him to the tormentors, until he should pay all that was due to him.  So my heavenly Father will also do to you, if you don’t each forgive your brother from your hearts for his misdeeds (Matt. 18:23-35).
 
When we shrink-wrap our hearts, we keep out more than we keep in our plastic bags. The miserly servant lost more than he gained by demanding that his fellow servant pay him what was due. This story reminds me that  what needs to make its way into the trashcan are our bitter feelings. We might say, "well, they sinned too." True, their sin is not correct, but neither is our attitude. I want forgiveness more than I want to be right. I hope you feel the same way.
 
A Forgiven Servant,
M.J.

　

So, the next time you or I feel the need to sack someone- let’s not take it to them physically or emotionally. Let’s take those bitter feelings alone to the trashcan.  Remember, he who has been forgiven much must forgive much (Luke 7:47).