Shipful

For many, a ship represents several ideas such as  a lucky business venture, or good news from afar. To some, it signifies romance or even the arrival information, but when the Lord told me that I was a ship, it was something more profound. I heard the same words describing me as a ship through the mouths of different people, at different times, and  different locales. For that reason, I have taken this image seriously.

The Word of the Lord came to me: I AM  A SHIP GOING ACROSS THE ATLANTIC. THE SLAVE SHIPS WERE FORCED ACROSS THE WATERS INTO THE AMERICAS. NOW, HE IS SENDING ME BACK.  I have made stops at port of calls to fill up the hull of my boat with knowledge and compassion. All the years of study were to prepare me for such a time as this to build His schools.

The boat is impelled by oars, literally propelled by physical effort and strength. The boat is also impelled by the wind; clearly, the wind is the wind of the Holy Spirit. It is not by might,  or power but by My Spirit says the Lord (Zechariah 4:6). In truth, it is my obedience plus the anointing that brings the increase.

While in this present Youth With A Mission school, I have learned more about relationship and team building.  For a ship is worked by mariners, sailors, not sailor. I must have a crew of stakeholders, brothers and sisters in Christ, who work alongside me. Someone must swab the deck, clean the hull, stock the fire, etc.

Like a ship, I wait for God for direction; a ship's course is frequently directed by the heavenly bodies:
"And when neither sun nor stars in many days appeared, and no small tempest lay on us, all hope that we should be saved was then taken away" (Acts 27:20).

A ship is guided from the helm by a pilot; my pilot is of course  the Holy Spirit. It is owned by an individual; Creator God is my owner. The master of my boat is Christ. Still storms, rocks, and often threaten the ship. Ships can be wrecked on the rocks and literally leave the faith. The rocks are the peril of sin as illustrated in the following verse:"Holding onto faith, and a good conscience, which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck their lives"  (I Timothy 1:19).

Quicksand consists of those sins that catch us unaware- it can be bitterness, animosity, and un-forgiveness. These things are hard to get rid of by ourselves. We must take soundings in our spirit so that we do not run aground. We can get stuck and unable to move because of the lethargy and lassitude. Deep calls to deep (Psalm 42:7); we must stay in deep with God. Jesus told the disciples to come out into the deep if they were to catch fish (Luke 5:4). Shallow water will stop the ship. Therefore, soundings are usually taken in dangerous places where the ship is likely to become stuck:

"And sounded, and found it twenty fathoms: and when they had gone a little further, they sounded again, and found it fifteen fathoms” (Acts 27:28). I must constantly ask the question: Am I moving forward with God or am stuck?

Yet, there is still good news: when a ship is damaged, it can be under-girded with cables so that it can continue its voyage to port. The undergirding or the support of friends and family is integral to the ship's progress.When waters are calm, things are going well, but on rough water, which can symbolize danger, unreliable people, and disquieting circumstances will come. Rough waters are not easily broken, but the Master of seas is Jesus, and even the winds waves obey him (Mark4:41)

Finally, a boat must remain balanced: The mast of a  ship tall, vertical or near which supports the sails. Large ships usually have several masts depending on their size. My vertical relationship with God keeps me balanced, and if that relationship is balanced, maintaining relationships with others is easier and healthier.

A boat represents companionship, discoveries, protection from danger, safe refuge, and help in trouble. I am clearly on a journey where I am discovering who I am. There has obviously been a change of abode as Have moved from Texas to South Africa.

Bon Voyage,

MJ

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Mountain and Valley

The Lord was going before them in a pillar of cloud by day to lead them on the way, and in a pillar of fire by night to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people" (Exodus 13:21-22).

Hard. My calves and feet swollen from 36 hours of flight and transfers. Present. God. Miraculous. No one asked to check my luggage full of food- 3 suitcases no less. God was present to make sure I had some kind of meal on the plane every leg of the flight. When I got to the base, they offered to let me cook my own food and reimburse my money so I can buy food. In the past, my experience has not been a positive one in light of my eating needs (vegetarian and gluten-food). People have been gracious, but it has been quite busy here. It has been quite cold as the poem below suggests, and it takes some adjustment.

There is a wicked wind in Worcester

Wreaking havoc about the place

Stirring up dust storms

As it kicks up its heels

Caterwauling like a banshee

Down the mountainside

Like a Hillbilly on vacation

A screaming freight train

Completely of control

Breathing its icy breath

Down my neck and

Making me wish for

100 degree weather in Texas

Yet, I have you ever received an unexpected gift? Self-knowledge has been the unexpected gift that I have received in the few days I have been in South  Africa.  As part of my training in the School of Apostolic Pioneering, I took a test called "Strength Finders: which identifies the top five talents or strengths. After taking the test, listening to a lecture, reading the book, and a 2 hour coaching, I have discovered some important truths about myslef: who I am. I am an  intelligent achiever who enjoys learning through gathering resources and who can make stragegic decisions.

At the same time, I have been learning about myself. An achiever is someone who is goal-oriented and follows through the task. Learner is someone, as the name suggests, who enjoys the pursuit of knowledge. An inputter is a literal sponge; a collector and resource-distributor. As an auditory learner, I can hear something once and retain that information.  At times, I have felt like a ’know-it-all’ and awkward for knowing so much about so many different topics, but the love of study ought to produce something.

As a strategic person, I am discerning and look for the best possible option. Lastly, I am person of intellect- a thinker. The strength-finder book, test, and coaching have helped me to understand myself and individual strengths better. In fact, the five talents identified clarified some individual quirks that I have long resisted and hid. My five talents are achiever, learner, input, strategic, and intellection.

In terms of being an achiever, I immediately recognized myself in the list-maker not merely to do lists, but past accomplishments, gifts, and future desires. What I considered an irksome habit actually makes sense now. Another talent or rather a strength, comes from my ability to assess and gather resources. I gather literature, information, and things and disburse them as needed. I never before recognized this trend as a strength, but I realize better that mental and physical ‘packratting’ actually has spiritual, physical, intellectual, and emotional benefits.  With scripture, words of encouragement, books, advice on health and exercise, and knowledge in general my input strength is edifying those who receive it.

These exercises have helped me be more confident; moreover, as I read and listened to the descriptions of others’ strengths, I began to appreciate them more; In addition, things about those others I once found irksome lost their irritation. I gained a greater appreciation for the diversity in the body of Christ, and how together we get the job done. I also understood better my role in the Body- how I am needed despite my curious nature.  Yesterday, I reread the first blog I wrote; I could see so much of what God had done just as He promised, and that I still have a ways to go.

Thankful you for,
MJ

Hind's Feet

^{"The Lord God is my strength, and he has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places." (Habakkuk 3:19 and also found in (Psalm 18:33).}

I  feel that I go through the day checking boxes trying to get to the prize at the bottom of the box- going to Africa. As I put on my war gear, I suit up with military paraphernalia on my back. It is quite heavy, and when I am about to fall out of the race, someone comes and readdresses my slipping backpack, replacing it securely on my shoulders. I turn to see Sheryl behind me. When my feet slip on the slippery slopes of the perilous mountain climb, a push from behind propels my leverage toward the hill’s summit.  It is Liz’s firm shove.

Israel Houghton is now singing the song, “I am not Forgotten.” The lyrics proclaim that God has not forgotten me, never forsaken me, for He knows my name. That is so very important now because at times like these, it is easy for the enemy to come in and accuse God. Others can and will disappoint, but not Adonai. 

In this season, I have learned one valuable lesson: do not agree with the enemy or my own limited perception of reality. For in a little while,  I feel a fresh breeze of Holy Spirit and hear His whisper, “Keep going” when Carolyn calls and tells me she wants to pray for me before I head abroad. See, you are not alone. I will never leave you or forsake. I have told you that over 360 times in My Word.

One of the greatest blessings I have received in this season actually came from two young warriors, my students, Melissa and Stephanie, who on the last day of regular classes, pulled me into the hall to pray and commission  me for my work in Africa. It was an awesome honor and encouragement that I will take with me to continent. Their sacrificial release to bless the children of Africa, especially girls, moved the heavens on the behalf of the continent and every person in that high school building.

There is a caution here: we can't go up without God. The Israelites did not move until God did. But that lesson is for another day.

Still Clinmbing,

MJ

Where is the Glory?

The man who brought the news reported, “Israel fled before the Philistines, and the army has suffered heavy losses. Also your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead, and the ark of God has been captured.” (1 Samuel 4:17).  Eli fell backwardswhen he heard the ark of covenant had been taken (v.18)

When , Eli's " daughter-in-law, the wife of Phinehas,[ who] was pregnant and near the time of delivery

[w]hen she heard the news that the ark of God had been captured and that her father-in-law and her husband were dead, she went into labor and gave birth, but was overcome by her labor pains. as she was dying she named the boy Ichabod,^c saying, “The glory has departed from Israel”—because of the capture of the ark of God and the deaths of her father-in-law and her husband. She said, “The glory has departed from Israel, for the ark of God has been captured.” (Samuel 4:21-22).

Did you notice the chronology? Israel's defeat is first, then  the high priest, Eli's sons death, and finally, the ark, the symbol of God's favor and protection is taken. When Eli hears this fact, not the fact that his sons were dead, he fells ackwards and breaks hias neck.  Eli fell backwards when he heard the ark of covenant had been taken.

Many  of us start off right, but  like Eli, do not  stay close to God. He allowed the idolatry of protecting his sons's sin to cause him to lose his relationship with God. People let their husbands, wives, jobs, and winning approval of others separate them from God's best. We make idols of others. That is exactly what happened in Eli's household.

Do I care friend that the glory has departed from me, from my family, my church, and nation? Is your heart grieved at all?

God's Glory-Seeker,
MJ

1. .

Prepare the Soil- Leave the Rain to God

My favorite prophet of all is Elijah. There is a tale of his praying for rain after a three and half-year drought. He closes his eyes and prays to the God of heaven; seven times, he sends his servant to see if any rain has come (1 Kings 18:41-46). I wonder if he knew that it would take seven times? Finally, the servant recognizes a cloud the size of a man's fist. Elijah gets up and girds his garment around his loins and proceeds to run. I, like Elijah, am girding my garment about me and getting ready to run --- to Africa.

God has been speaking to me about the fallow, unprepared ground in my heart.  See,  fallow ground can be considered unused or even unusable land. Trees may be in the field that must be cut down;  nothing can be planted with trees in the way. In addition, our vision is limited, it is hard to imagine what could be if the horizon is obscured.

Even after this work is done, the more difficult work remains- removing the stumps. I have had stumps of bitterness about mistreatment, devaluation, betrayal, and disappointment about the reality I have faced in public education. Those stumps must be pulled out. I thought I was dealing with the issues as they came along- I was- but some stumps were still there. Before going to Africa, all those stumps, have to be removed.

Mark Batterson calls the Word of God the plow that breaks the hardened soil of our ignored hearts.The Lord pulled those stumps out with these words: "But I said, I have laboured to no purpose, I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet, what is due me is in the Lord's hand, and my reward is with God. For I am honored in the eyes of the Lord and my God is my strength" (Isaiah 49:4-7). O' my soul rest in the Lord- He is your everlasting portion.

Large rocks must be dislodged as well; many times that is done by confession. Just last Sunday, my pastor asked me for forgiveness for how my present church has failed to receive me or support my new mission. This blog entry is my own confession before the larger Body of Christ.

Unused ground must be broken up because it becomes hardened.The hardness in my heart came by hurt in key relationships, lack of support from the body of Christ, ressentments about broken trust, and unbelief that things could change about God promises. Hardened soil can't receive the seed. The seed can't enter the ground; it will likely be eaten by the birds or if it finds a place to lodge, it will spring up quickly and then die. Things that grow well in fallow ground are weeds and thorns (Mark 13:22: Mark 4:19; Luke 8:14).   God pulls the plow through those hardened places, to turn the ground so He can plant seeds because He wants to do a new work. Once, the thorns are dislodged, it is up to me to gather them and burn them: "See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:15).

But like everything else, God does not waste this dormant time.  During this period in my life, the ground of  relationships, skill sets, and education have grown a hard crust over them, but they have a  time to settle and to be replenished so that they are even more ready for the growing season. My gifts, rather than diminishing, been allowed to revitalize and gather new strength. This time disengaged from people and endeavors allowed me rest and reflection. 

Christ clearly had shown me a rich orchard full of pomegranates planted in my fiels, but there remained sections of land untilled. The untilled, unprepared land were aspects of my life yet surendered to God's cultivation. See, I know that I have struggled with looking for the rain: Where is the anointing? Where is God? But, God is not asking me to deal with the rain, but to prepare the soil of my heart. He will deal with the rain. Just ask Elijah.

A Farmer-in-Training,
MJ

"Do You Care?"

Do You Care?

What does a kitchen and a boat have in common? What does a single Jewish woman have in common with a bunch of Galilean fishermen? That begs the question.  It really is the question: Y’Shua do you care? That was the question on the lips of the Jewish single female named Martha and the same question was echoed by the disciples, those Galilean fisherman. Did Y’Shua really care that she bore an unfair load in the work department or that those very sturdy fisherman were drowning? Does He care for you and me?

Can I be frank? I have been drowning, not literally, but spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Attempting to unload 2000 square feet of furniture, books, and sundries with little help has taxed me physically and emotionally. So, I so get Martha’s burning question. Then, add to that the fatiguing schedule of teaching six classes, selling a car, home, and a time-share, allowing people to know about the opportunity to seed into a ministry that seems to change every day, saying goodbye to family, colleagues and friends,  and I know I have only remained sane through grace.

 The rule seems to be if anything can change, it will.  For someone who enjoys order, the constant change of potential customers for home, property, and car and ministry locations has taxed me to excruciating lengths. Add two weddings and a retirement party, with ministry outreaches, and countless interviews, Skype talks, and forms, and I find myself drowning in the sea of ministry preparation. I am supposing that at some point, it was every disciple for himself on the boat. Each one called out for his own life. As people are facing their own storms of emotional healing, sick spouses, and aging parents, I have found myself on the deck, crying out alone, “Y’Shua don’t you care that I perish?” The painting above has hung my wall for over ten years because I see myself as the African-American woman in the picture; the younger boy I envision as my brother, James.

I am one of those orderly, obedient types who follow the script, so I totally understand Martha. What I don’t get is when Y’Shua appears to be asleep in my boat; maybe you can identify?  Lest you think that I am impatient. This process of finding a ministry location began last June 2011. Yet, I have been waiting to return to the mission field since 1999. Now, God would finally use all that training, all those lessons, for whatever purpose they were intended. I believed that I finally accepted that God worked all things for good, that He wasted nothing. This test shows I have more maturing in terms of patience to gain.

All those preparatory years of sitting on a doctorate, training in cultural studies, African Studies work, travel all over the world, language acquisition, laying down my aspirations as a writer and performer, yielding all of His gifts back into His hands for His purpose was finally, after almost twenty-five years, was going to yield harvest to bless the nations. I think my heart cries out, “Redeem; Save me.” My heart feels that it cannot take another disappointment.

At some point, I believed that I had paid my dues and learned my lessons.   Now my light would break forth like the dawn; now I would be launched. Instead, I found many a storm; perhaps the devil asked to sift me.  I must give the disciples credit for not jumping out of the boat or tossing the sleeping Y’Shua into the sea when their storm arose. I don’t believe that we aren’t tempted to toss Y’Shua overboard like too much cargo during our storms, especially if we do not sense His loving Presence.

Sometimes, it feels as if the waves are pummeling and beating us with its fists, and we are tempted to launch ourselves overboard like Jonah and escape this un-understandable will of God.  Yet, we  really long for Y’Shua to quiet the storm in our lives and our hearts. The questions that ravage our thoughts of why and how: A friend, while celebrating his retirement with family experience, saw his 85-year old father rushed from the celebration with a stroke that hospitalized him.

The fact the disciples asked Y’Shua to quiet the storm showed that they had faith in Him, but their fear spoke louder than their faith. I understand. As I attend my second wedding in two weeks, I bless Lord that these two marriages are cemented in Him and destined for great ministry, but I am acutely aware that I am 44 years old heading to Africa to build schools for girls. I choose not to reflect on what that reality means for me as I fulfill the commission. 

 I think the struggle comes when we feel overwhelmed, that drowning image again. See, if I go as a true pioneer, I guess my circumstances look little different from the first missionaries –  single,  financially walking by faith,  not knowing when or how I will return, leaving family and home,  except I go as a single  woman like Amy Carmichael.

You might ask,” Why would you expose yourself in such a way?” The truth is simple: if my honesty can help you escape the doldrums and the ravages, even some of them, it will give meaning and redemptive value to my pain. Y’Shua is in your boat, and may He calm the storm in your heart just as He is calming my own.

Like Martha,  I have come to know the resurrection power of Y’Shua. Like Martha, I know that God can resurrect my dreams and give them life. He takes off the grave clothes of doubt, dead and confining beliefs so that I can walk out of the tomb into new life. I bless God for Dawn and Sheryl who have helped remove the grave clothes from me.

Reclining on Y'Shua's Chest,

MJ