EYE Candy

When we think about the person we want to marry, is it the outer appearance or their inner beauty we crave? I have a friend who is newly married; the troubles he had with his wife before marriage have recently resurfaced. Both are believers, although one wonders, given the conduct they  have recently exhibited.

You see before marriage, his wife had a problem with fidelity; marriage does not stop that problem, sanctification does. Or take another person whose husband struggles with anger; the roots of his anger weren't dealt with before marriage, and so they are coming up again, but this time focused on his children.

I call it the Eye Candy syndrome. The person looks good on the outside, but the inside is really not 'put together at all.' Oh, that amber-eyed long-lashed doll looks good on your arm, but her propensity to overspend and inability to take correction, well, those are matters of the heart.

When God was looking to replace the tall impressive Saul as king, he told Samuel these words: "But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (I Samuel 16:7). Thus, God chose a stinky, ruddy shepherd-boy whose heart was wholly His to be king over His people. Hmm, matters of the heart are close to God's heart and appear to be His only agenda.

See Eye Candy looks good, but there is no substance. So when I need stability, maturity, and integrity,  I won't find it there. When I need someone to move in the opposite spirit and forgive, take the first step in reconciliation, Eye Candy simply can't.

These notions have made me stop and ponder if I really want to marry. Because I simply can not imagine giving up the freedom of serving God without the nuisance of  Eye Candy on my arm. Sure, Eye Candy is good to look at, but what about, when I need something real and satisfying such as a piece of good fruit. You know like, "love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23).

Some of us can not say like Paul, ^"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me" (I Cor. 13:11) Actually, we still, "see only a reflection as in a mirror, and we know only in part" (v.12). See, we can have faith that God is going to change the person, and we can hope all we want, but only love remains  (v.13).  Love is sacrificial, is able to admit when wrong, and is forgiving. Eye Candy simply can't do that. Eye Candy is unwilling to die to her/his flesh. Eye Candy is unwilling to submit to Holy Ghost's teaching and redirection. In fact, s/he can't: "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law" (Galatians 5:16-18).


As I look in the mirror of self-reflection, I take out a mental pen and go down this checklist to make sure  I am not simply tasty Eye Candy: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres Love never fails." (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

 

 
We know what true love looks like: His name is Y'Shua.  Just like you, I am still learning how to daily reflect Him to others.
 
Yours truly,
M.J.